Jen, USA
I spend a great deal of my time "lost" in my thoughts. I have these thoughts that are like chain reaction events..."if I go to the store I may get in an accident, kid may run out in front of me, my truck may catch fire...." I have alost gotten into accidents becuase my thoughts turn into images and I react to them ..like by jerking the wheel so I dont hit the kid that I am worried about running out in front of me! I know its all in my head. I also never feel alone. I feel like someone is watching me. I hate being alone. I hate the dark. Every noise I hear at night keeps me awake. I have to be covered from head to toe to keep me safe at night (not like my blanket is really going to keep me safe?) - I am sick of these thoughts...yet I cant stop them...
Anonymous, UK
ok, firstly, i am paranoid in case someone sees my name and city so i have put anonymous and just my country. so, i am paranoid every minute of the day, its killing me. i have a problem were i think i am ugly and look odd to everyone, and when i am in the street, or in a public place were there is lots of people, i think there talking about me, laughing, and judging me. it feels so real, and i dont even know if i am PARANOID. i was once at a party with my family, but there was a group of males over the other side of the room i didnt know, and they were looking towards me and laughing and joking, and i was so anxious and just scared they were laughing at me, it got that bad, i had to leave the building and go home, and as i was going home, all the cars going by were also making me nervous, it felt like everyone was looking at me and following.i now dont leave me house because this is how it is when i go out all the time. even my family, i feel they talk about me when im out of the room, i dont know if this is because i am insecure and feel like i am ugly and fat myself, but just a little look from anyone, my thought is straight away, there thinking i am weird and ugly. im so lonely because of this!!! argh!
Grace, Australia
I have had bipolar disorder for a number of years now and in past year the paranoid thoughts have driven me insane( even more so ).I think that when someones phone rings its about me, if I can't hear the conversation then its about me. That people don't really want me around they are just putting up with me. I feel that people think derogitory things about the way I look or the things I say, even strangers in the street. I feel that people are laughing at me for things I say or do. Suicidal thoughts are frequent, no matter how kind people are.
Pete, South Africa
About four year ago I started getting panic attacks out of the blue, for no reason, it happened mostly while i was asleep. I've always been scared of the dark, since i was a little child. I am now 28 and things are only getting worse. Ive had experiences with ghosts and even seeing the spirits of animals.. I would hear ghosts in my flat, they even used to touch me and sleep next to me, as I could hear them breath. Now for about the last 3 years i can hear a ghost's heartbeat, it sometimes goes away. The last year and a half ive developed extreme paranoia. Im scared someone would brake into my house and kill me.. I constantly check if the doors and windows are locked. Even though ive locked it a minute ago, i check if someone has fiddled with it. I always have thoughts of someone cutting of my burglar bars or climbing through my roof. When i have an argument with someone, days later it strikes me that they are planning on hireing someone to kill me. My worst fear is when im driving. I always get the feeling that someone is following me. When I see a car behind me, i get an overwhelming fear, my legs go lame and i start shaking. I always travel long distance, because of the kind of work i do. It feels like they are following me, with the tendency to push me off the road and shoot me. The other day i was driving and a car was standing along side the road, as i passed them, they jumped in their car and started chasing me. And the worst part was that it was the police. I still think they tried to kill me. My fears are getting more and more, Im constantly thinking about death. Im scared of dying or loosing one of my lovedones. I dont know what to do. Ive visited a doctor and ive been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. Im suppossed to go on medication, wich i have to go and fetch in another town. But im too scared to drive. Im at this stage where i dont want to drive anymore. Because it feels like im always getting followed.
Evie, UK
I have suffered with paranoia for most of my life and i'm now heading for 40. The worse time i have with it at work. I had a manager a few years back who bullied me and got me thrown out of my job and made it clear that it was because I was a threat to her position. Ever since then I fear that in any job I do that people are talking about me behind my back, unfortunately in my last long term job I had this did turn out to be true. I am now in a job that is temp to perm and there has been issues in getting me perm and I cannot stop the thought that they never will and that they will get someone else in and they will take my place because of my paranoia as I am not fit to keep down a job. The fear of being made unemployed and thus losing my place I live is tearing me to pieces. It hasn't been helped by my parents pointedly telling me that if I ever need somewhere to live I could not live with them as the only spare space they have is reserved for my niece and nephew whenever they stay over. I suffer badly with self esteem and I know that a lot of this stems back to my childhood as my mother was always telling me that I was an accident and that my younger siblings were planned and wanted. My mother also is still to this day very happy to tell anyone who wants that she has never been able to love me and only tolerated me because she gave birth to me. I am doing my best to fight my paranoias but it is hard to keep going on your own. My doctors refuse to listen to me and just want to prescribe drugs all the time, but they just make me very ill and the only option open me they state is lithium and i refuse to take that or any other antidepressants as they don't solve the issues or actually help me. I would like to thank all of those who posted their stories here and given me the confidence to post mine.