Thomas, UK
I've suffered with this for nearly 10 years now and it seems to get more intense as time goes on. I feel that there is a conspiracy against me, that a group of people I don't know what to harm me, or on really bad days want me dead. I feel that I can hear people walking past my house talking about me and criticising me or planning to harm me. More recently I've been feeling that people are stalking me, I see cars pull away when I go near or see people stood about watching. The fear I experience is immense, when I perceive an event being aimed at me my mind puts it all together and I get really anxious. All the small suspicious things that have happened to me in recent months are woven together. I can't escape it and no matter how much I try to deny it my mind feels that if I don't believe it's real then I'm letting my guard down.
Charlotte, UK
I have only recently become a bit paranoid (if this is what it is) - I have always felt that I never fitted in anywhere and that I was very different from other people in any social group, or that everyone else is somehow better than me - I usually view other people as being cleverer than me, more attractive, more socially capable and more popular, and I always feel that other people think of me as a bit of a weirdo, or a bit "mad". I always think that if someone wants anything to do with me, wants to meet me for lunch or invites me to their house or something, then they must be a bit peculiar (mad or weird) or strange themselves. More recently I have started to believe that a particular woman at work is 'tailing' me and waiting for me in the corridors so she can follow me with bad intent to see what I am up to, and I believe she suspects me of doing something dishonest at work and will report me to my superiors for this. I feel that my superiors at work are keeping notes about me and compare with each other if I am ever late or make a mistake or take too long for my lunch-break or something. I feel they tolerate me and they all think of me as being a special case. They might all secretly pity me for being "not all there" or feel that I'm a nuisance to them. I always feel left out of things in most situations - I feel that other people in any group have special relationships with each other that I am not invited to share - they might go for lunch together or to each others' houses, and I won't be invited. I always think other people in groups that I'm in have much more in common with each other than I could ever have, I always feel left out or excluded from most social or work groups. I also think that a group of people at the allotment I go to are invading my area when I am not there and are deliberately doing things to annoy me such as leaving my electric lights on after I switch them off and are making a mess and fiddling with my things when I am not there. I also think that they hang about saying nasty things under their breath about me when I pass, or if I hear laughing/giggling I always think this is directed at me (this is at the allotment not at work).
Bethany, Australia
I relate to a number of experiences here. Some nights I cannot sleep, no matter how tired, because I am positive someone is in my house and wants to harm my family and I. I hear sounds and try to rationalise them, but always conclude it could be someone opening a door or stepping on the floor boards. I end up turning the TV on in our room and waiting till I fall asleep without noticing. I also have feelings that people are talking about me constantly in a negative context and that they wish to see me fail in life. I interpret friends not contacting me for an amount of time as them avoiding me. This might actually be rational if I didn't think it of nearly every friend I have. I interpret situations as if someone is belittling me. I often try to be a high achiever almost as a way to reassure myself I am capable and can be recognised as a person who achieves a high status - but often I ruin my own chances by seeing everyone as competitive and wanting to take over. I think that my husband's family constantly plot against me and don't want anything to do with me. I'm not sure what's real and what's not anymore. I even have strong beliefs I will get a terrible illness or that I will have a car accident. I think about my funeral and I obsess about who I want and who I don't want to be there. I obsess about the details of something that will be out of my hands, like the music to be played, the venue, the burial. The worst thing is watching this happen and almost knowing it's not real but yet the paranoid me, always has an explanation for why my paranoid thoughts are *not* paranoid. I'm really not sure how to deal with this anymore because it rules my every interaction with every person I meet. It seems ridiculous that every person I come into contact with, would want to talk about me negatively to great lengths. I was even amazed the other day to voice that I thought a bug could have been placed in my house due to a friend making a comment related to a private conversation at home with my husband. I think in some ways, it is comforting to know that I'm not entirely alone. Unfortunately my paranoia has sometimes been spot on, which leads me to further believe that I have a ridiculous ESP ability. I need to get rid of that idea and start addressing the fact my thoughts are paranoid.
Sam, UK
i always think my friends dont like me and people are out to get me and i dont have any confidence in my self i think i am ugly and fat even though people tell me i am not i still think i am i also get depressed and angry very easly what can i do lol im glad im not the only one that feels like this though 🙂
Vanessa, UK
I am sorry that you all have these experiences, but I'm so relieved to find that there are others like me. I take medication for anxiety and feel tense, anxious and paranoid ALL the time. I've been paranoid since I was little - I used to imagine that people were going to do something bad to our house or my sisters or mum, I was scared outside that someone would get me, I've always been scared of other people in class. Thirty years later, I'm sorry to say, this is just getting worse for me. I was just given a lateral transfer at work, and believe this is because everyone in my department hated me so my bosses thought it best to move me. Because of this, I think that in the new department I have to make a success but I'm so afraid that already people hate me and my new bosses think they've made a mistake by taking me on. I feel increasingly isolated from my family and think that they all just think I'm troublesome and not worth the bother. Because of this in the last few weeks I've even stopped calling them and getting in touch. I feel tense and anxious all the time, and at night just think of all the things that worry me through the day, it's so upsetting that I've had suicidal thoughts at times. I just feel that everyone is exasperated and angry that I'm stupid (I'm a graduate and speak 4 languages!). I just don't know what to do to help myself and I even feel too paranoid to go to the doctor as they will just think I am lying about being ill to get attention or something!!!!!!!! This website is a gift, at least I don't feel I'm completely alone in this. Thanks for sharing your experiences x