I have only recently become a bit paranoid (if this is what it is) – I have always felt that I never fitted in anywhere and that I was very different from other people in any social group, or that everyone else is somehow better than me – I usually view other people as being cleverer than me, more attractive, more socially capable and more popular, and I always feel that other people think of me as a bit of a weirdo, or a bit “mad”. I always think that if someone wants anything to do with me, wants to meet me for lunch or invites me to their house or something, then they must be a bit peculiar (mad or weird) or strange themselves. More recently I have started to believe that a particular woman at work is ‘tailing’ me and waiting for me in the corridors so she can follow me with bad intent to see what I am up to, and I believe she suspects me of doing something dishonest at work and will report me to my superiors for this. I feel that my superiors at work are keeping notes about me and compare with each other if I am ever late or make a mistake or take too long for my lunch-break or something. I feel they tolerate me and they all think of me as being a special case. They might all secretly pity me for being “not all there” or feel that I’m a nuisance to them. I always feel left out of things in most situations – I feel that other people in any group have special relationships with each other that I am not invited to share – they might go for lunch together or to each others’ houses, and I won’t be invited. I always think other people in groups that I’m in have much more in common with each other than I could ever have, I always feel left out or excluded from most social or work groups. I also think that a group of people at the allotment I go to are invading my area when I am not there and are deliberately doing things to annoy me such as leaving my electric lights on after I switch them off and are making a mess and fiddling with my things when I am not there. I also think that they hang about saying nasty things under their breath about me when I pass, or if I hear laughing/giggling I always think this is directed at me (this is at the allotment not at work).
