Paulo, Philippines
I always think everyone around me is hostile. Everytime I hear people laughing, I always think it's about me and imagine that I've heard them talking and discussing obnoxious things about me. This has lead me to isolation and made me painfully shy and afraid of new people.
Caroline, UK
Like Julie, I feel that i may get fired from my job. I work in a small office. I am so stressed. When my manager's door is closed, i am convinced that he is planning to fire me. I repeatedly make silly mistakes and because of this, my work is constantly checked and this makes me feel completely inept. I do have an anxiety disorder and i am battling depression (which im sure has triggered my thoughts!) It spoils my evenings having these thoughts, which in turn affects my sleep patterns and mood. It is a breath of fresh air to know that I am not alone and that im not a freak and that other people out there have the same debilitating thoughts. I am so glad to have found this website as it is full of valuable information.
Hannah, UK
I have had depression for nearly 4 years and often drink as a way of dealing with it. I always drink too much and end up doing things I regret. 2 weeks ago I slept with someone and regretted it so much. It is against everything I believe in. But the thing is people my age are always having sex and this isn't an excuse but I mean people are used to it and don't really comment on it. I knew itd be different with me. Before I went back to college I was so so scared of everyone constantly talking about me it made me feel physically sick I couldn't sleep. The worst thing is I know I deserve all the names I get called for it and I no it wasn't right and im now trying so hard not to drink but it isn't enough. I don't no if I'm being paranoid but I already felt like I was always hated and people just put up with me like they were all waiting for me to make a mistake so they can judge me and have a reason to call me thing s . I have always felt like people think this about me and are constantly looking for ways to make me look stupid I think there must be something wrong with me cos if I was someone else people might gossip for a day then get over it. I feel like everyone is against me and I can't stick up for myself cos i made this mistake so they will and have used it against me. I constantly feel hated by everyone even friends and family I feel they just see me as a joke . I can't deal with it. I really like someone but I know straight he realises who I am and how everyone sees me he will think it too. I cut myself and it helps but doesn't solve the problem. I also get paranoid in the dark or if I'm home alone that someone will come and murder me. When I'm with other people and it's light I no these thoughts are just in my head but feeling like no one likes me feels so real. Mega essay so doubt Anyone will read it but thank you it has done me good to write it all down as it was bottled up in my head and was so so frustrating. Praying for everyone who has paranoia social anxiety and depression xx
Jareth, US
I experience paranoia in many different ways and it's overwhelming as I pretty much have to sculpt my daily activity's around it. Since I was little I always felt as someone was following me or watching me. During the day I refrain from walking in the open and sticking close to the wall and when I go out to eat I must sit at a booth or a spot in the corner so no one walks behind me. I try to go out and drive as little as possible. During the night it is especially difficult. I have my bed so that it is in a corner and I have a view of my door, the closet always worry's me. It feel's like something is always there lurking in the dark... It just get's too much to handle sometimes and I have yet to tell many people about it, but it feels good to let it out.
Samantha, UK
all my life ive had peole laughing at me and i never understood why, now im in college everytime i hear someone laughing i automaticly think they're laughing at me it really gets me down and depressed i dunno if they are actually laughing at me or if im parranoid, i never used to believe in ghosts until i moved to a house a few years ago, i would hear things, or see faces in the dark, when i would be sleeping i sometimes id hear a voice or cold air blowing on my neck, when im in the shower, getting dressed, masterbating, or sleeping it always feels like someone is there, i dunno why but i never feel alone its creepy. we moved to another place a year ago and the same thing is happening the only diffrence is that its more scary, i hate the dark becouse i feel like im not 100% alone its driving me nuts, im 18 and sometimes i sleep in my mums room because im scared what 18 yr old sleeps in there mums room? everywhere i go i feel like someone is waiting for me, every where i turn i see people laughing at me, every second im alone i feel like someone from my past is gonna rape or kill me i cant talk to anyone because everyone things im trying to grab attention sometimes it feels like this is a sign that my time is comming and coming fast i dunno if its because of the horror movies ive bn watching, or my terrible past catching up to me, or the fact that im lonely but no matter what it wont go away. i dunno who to talk to if i talk to a coulceller i'll proberly get sectioned.