First of all, i’m really thankful for everyone who’s taken the time to share their stories. It comforts me to know i’m not the only person going through this. I’ve not only felt as if people were laughing at me outdoors, but i’ve also believed that people on live television and radio were laughing and making fun of me as well. There were also times that i’ve felt as if everything i did was being monitored for the sake of ridiculing me every time i made a mistake. Every time i err, no matter how large, small or shallow, i litteraly hear airplanes, helicopters and police sirens outside of my house – this tells me that authorities are out trying to catch my stalkers and their high-tech, peeping-tom equipment. Lol I used to think that people were reading my mind, but the Bible says that God is the only Person Who knows our thoughts, so I really don’t struggle with that anymore. I also used to think that EVERYONE could see me “live” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (i know, that sounds bizarre to me just reading it). Here’s the funny thing, i’ve NEVER done drugs or even smoked a cigarette AND my family has no history of mental disorders but my psychiatrists tell me that my disability comes from stress (i was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2000 btw). I’ve tasted alcohol, but that’s about it. Beer tastes like crap to me and whine is semi-crappish. All i drink is water, literally. I’ve experienced so many coincidences EVERY SINGLE DAY for nearly 2 years that it’s sickening! It just makes it all the more difficult to get over my paranoia. But every time i have one of these paranoid thoughts, I now try to fight it by being aware of what’s going on inside of me, while remembering all of the other times i’ve debunked many other negative scenario’s that i’ve “percieved” as really happening and this helps me feel better as a result. If it be in Gods Will, i’ll eventually be able to fully condition my mind back into a non-paranoid state with the method i’ve just described. But if God really wants me to, i’ll start taking medication. So, it appears to me that i may be borderline schizophrenic, if i’m not schizophrenic already. I hope this helps someone out there and please don’t give-up or backdown! God Bless you all!
