In high school I went from being really outgoing and big on friends to being somewhat of a loner. Everyone knew me and i was cool with most people but for some reason I never hung out with them and they never called me. I just did not like big crowds. I am okay with public speaking and things like that… but big social crowds wierd me out… Eventually I realized I was only meeting people online or through friends, and then I think people thought I was a bit shy. By Uni I was starting to do drugs because I was depressed alot and seemed to have really disturbing anxieties about basically everyone. My physical and mental health deteriorated pretty quickly and I am for the most part clean after 2 years or so of fairly moderate drug use.. But the problems from the drugs are mostly easily identifiably different from the every day paranoia/depression that I have had for 7 years now. At work I feel as some have said “barely tolerated” in life its always some scheme, some serious social grief i interpret… its difficult to live like this- and it gets easier and then punches you back down. Like trying to get out of quicksand.
