I never thought I would be one of those people that is afraid of going out I mean I heard about being paranoid but never thought it would happen to me so i looked it up. i wanted to know how crazy i was to feel what i was feeling and i came across this site. The stories I read here do in fact comfort me, I really thought I was alone. I was reading Sally’s story and I do the exact same thing except for a few things. I would shut my phone off and take out the little chip it carries because I felt people outside where monitoring where I was. I kept thinking they would come in when I was sleeping to take me and lock me up. I checked my lights to see if they worked and checked for cameras, I figured people outside had installed them. I checked my window constantly fearing I was going to get attacked and memorize license plates, the people that came out of the cars, what they where wearing, etc. my family always asked what I was doing but all I could say was that I thought someone was stalking me. It got to a point where I had to have someone check before I got into my apartment just in case something popped out. I checked everywhere even the spaces where a person couldn’t fit just so that I knew I was alone and even then I couldn’t sleep. The lack of sleep made it even worse to function, I would sit in a corner and scan the room at night trying to keep myself from screaming and crying. Little by little I have been able to go out of the apartment for a few hours but with that knot in my stomach and constantly checking who is walking behind me. The feeling of not being safe anywhere is overwhelming but I do what I can. It helps when I’m around family although ill admit I distrust them sometimes. I know my family would never hurt me but there are times when I get a feeling they are hiding things and sometimes I don’t tell them anything for fear that they might go to the people that I feel are out there trying to get me. Being paranoid like this is crazy and when I sit to think about what I’m feeling I tell myself it’s absurd but I can’t help it. One of the things that also helps me is when I do go out I count in my head or think about a place I would rather be than out walking, if I can’t do that I take deep breaths and tell myself I’m almost home and it takes a big load off my mind. Now that I have read others stories I feel like I have a group of people behind me supporting me. I just hope one day I won’t have to have anxiety like this and will be able to live life without being paranoid.
