I have always thought people were watching me. I really noticed it when I was 10. I was and still am shy to get naked when I’m by myself. My mind makes up that there is a person that I’m close to or really like watching me and judging me. So then I turn off the lights in my room or bathroom and get undressed , only sometimes I feel like there’s a camera in there with me and that when I turn off the lights , the camera changes to night vision and everyone is watching me laughing at my body and the fact that I’m crazy. I try to tell myself in my mind that nobody is watching me and that I’m just paranoid but then other voices from people I don’t even know enter my mind and laugh and say things like ” yes we are silly ” ” we’re always watching you “. Then they get louder and I can’t really shut them up or fight them. They’re always there. I feel like I’m in a movie a lot of the time though. Like the other actors are my friends or people in my life and it’s a bunch of them. Only the people my mind wants to be there. They all sit with me when I’m using the bathroom watching me , or when I’m in my room. They go everywhere with me and I don’t think I really need to go outside and make more friends because they’re all I need. They make me laugh , they argue with me and make me mad, sometimes they make me cry but that’s okay too. I don’t need anyone else. But what if I meet someone one day and they all have to go away? I mean , I know they judge me but they live inside of me too. When I cook and eat , they eat off my plate. ALL OF THEM! Sometimes they don’t even listen to me and I repeat myself and they still don’t listen. They don’t care. They do what they want. I want to get help though. I want them to leave so I can have a normal life and don’t have to talk out loud and whisper to them behind everyone’s back. I just want to leave it all.
