This is really starting to get to me and it’s ruining me life to be totally honest. I used to think my work colleagues were taking the piss out of me behind my back. I also thought they were making story’s up and telling my boss about my personal life to make them selfs look better. It all started when I was about 15/16 I was always in trouble when I was younger than that. I was expelled from school at 14. Well 2 schools in a year. I have always put that down to my dislexuar if that’s how you spell it lol if not I hope you know what I mean. To most people as I got older and read more it seem they didn’t notice. But to me I was ashamed and to me this created the daft and at times aggressive person I was. It also gave me a good senesce of humour and very witty. For this reason as a very mouthy fat kid I took a lot of beatings. At first even tho they were all my falt I thought I was a big man witch ternd out I wasn’t. From then on every time I walked past another group of lads I always thought they were going to attack me. It’s really starting to get out of hand now I won’t even walk to the shop I always drive. If my friends are in the pub I ring round to see if any one else is walking up. I always have thoughts of bad things happening like being burgled and that the car behind me is following me. Also when I meet girls I start to think what if there ex comes back on the scene. I also constantly think about the future and what’s gunna happen if I am left all alone. This really can’t be normal. The past few years I have use cocaine quite a lot. Every weekend in fact. Sometimes through the week. I abused xtc and cannabis as a teen but this feeling/problem has always been there. The drugs that I have and still do abuse can’t help the situation but I doubt stopping them will either.
