I have always been a little anxious about what other people think of me, and if i have upset anyone. But recently this seems to have become worse on graduating as a nurse. Now that i have begun my new career i feel as though i am not capable of carrying out this highly stressful occupation, and worry that i am constantly getting things wrong, and that my colleagues are discussing this behind my back.
It is only in recent years that i realise that perhaps I feel this way because of past events, such as the arrival of my step dad when i was 12 years old, and the abuse he inflicted on me and my siblings, such as violence towards us and my mum, sexual abuse against me and one of my sisters, which i know of so far. I am sort of reconciled with my mum now, after the anger i felt towards her, and i have had counselling in the recent past, but at the moment things are starting to get on top of me again, although i am reluctant to seek help for fear of others thinking i am mad. also i used to be able to speak with my husband, but lately i do not believe he wants to know, and does not really listen any more, even now i believe that once people read this they will think i am being stupid and self pitying.